INCONCEIVABLE!!!

I was just about to watch the Disney superhero teen-flick Sky High last night, watching through the trailers before the last full show, minding my own business, when something suddenly flashed and before me, flooring me in utter amazement.

There is actually a SECOND Dungeons and Dragons movie.

Yes, you read that right.

You will of course remember the original D&D film (which we've flogged on this blog multiple times in the past), that horrid piece of orc turd trying to pass itself off as high fantasy but only serving to be a tombstone to the genre if not for the appearance of the LOTR Trilogy. Well, we heard rumors before that producer/director Courtney Solomon had succeeded in using a charm spell to rope someone into funding a second film in the series... well, it turned out to be true.

It started off quietly. I saw what seemed to be an old, or at least, low-budget-looking fantasy film trailer before me, with knights and warriors and elves and dragons. I stared at it in confusion, thinking maybe it was the upcoming Bloodrayne film, or maybe something from Europe. But it wasn't... I stared as suddenly I recognized Bruce Payne, aka the evil warrior Damodar from the first movie, appear. DAMODAR??? Didn't he DIE in the first one? He got thrown off a tower. Well, for some reason, Mr. Payne reprises his role in the sequel, but now has gotten rid of the blue lipstick (heh) and has been bumped up to head baddie (since Jeremy Irons turned into dragon feces at the end of the first turd of a film).
Anyway, apparently Mr. Payne is the only cast member to return from the first film... the new heroes are pretty much unknown actors to me. Anyway, the movie is called Dungeons and Dragons: The Elemental Might AKA Dungeons and Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God, and apparently it is a straight-to-video release in the US. But for us Pinoys, we get it in theaters.

The plot is apparently as follows: The country of Izmir is once again under siege, this time from the black sorcerer Damodar (Payne) and his growing army of gruesome creatures. To save the land, four heroes representing strength, intelligence, dexterity and wisdom (what? No Hero of Comeliness?) must come together, form their own army, and use the elemental might to defeat Damodar before he unleashes the terror of a Black Dragon.

Woah. So how did an evil fighter (Damodar) survive a fall from hundreds of feet, and become a master sorcerer? Class change? What happened to the heroes of the first movie? If this is anything like the first film, it'll probably all be explained offscreen.

Anyway, the trailer was actually put together quite well, despite some cheap-looking special effects. I'm actually curious to see it. I want to see if it's actually possible to make a movie worse than the first D&D movie.

Hey, who knows... maybe it'll be good for a laugh. Another dead dragon to flog. MAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Elemental might... phah...